‘I felt I had to do this job the macho way’
Assistant professor Monica Zakhari is the chairperson of the Wellbeing Signal Group at Mechanical Engineering.
If there is anyone who knows what it can bring you when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open, it is Monica Zakhari. The Egyptian-born assistant professor at Mechanical Engineering has endometriosis, which causes her a lot of pain that flares up even more violently during her ovulation and menstruation. Sometimes she can’t function for days, doing nothing but lying curled up to minimize the pain.
“On the outside you don’t see that I have endometriosis; it’s a hidden disability that I haven’t confided in anyone for a long time. I felt I had to do this job the macho way. I regularly pulled all-nighters and worked weekends to compensate for the days I couldn’t work.”
When an older colleague complained to her about corona and said it was easy for her to not be concerned about it because she was young and healthy, something snapped inside her. “I realized that you can never tell from the outside what is going on inside someone, or how someone is feeling. Just because I look good doesn’t mean that feel good too. I was in a lot of pain on that day, but didn’t show it.”
At the urging of the secretary in her group, she entered into a conversation with her group leader Patrick Anderson. “I told him what was happening to me, and that this was causing me a lot of stress. That I regularly find myself giving lectures while in agony. Sometimes I have to go straight to the hospital afterwards. He was very understanding. I’m glad I took that step.”
Ask
“We tend to be quick to judge another person. For example, what do you think when you see a student sleeping during a lecture? We are quick to pass a ‘sleep at home’ judgment, but maybe he had a bad night, or is suffering from stress. Ask, don’t judge! I have learned that. I don’t want to regret things I didn’t say anymore.”
Diversity is not just about background or gender. It’s also about all those little things you don’t see.
Monica Zakhari
“Now I do my job the way it suits me. I tell my colleagues when I’m having a bad day - and garner understanding. The culture at ME has become more open and we accept each other’s differences. Diversity is not just about background or gender. It’s also about all those little things you don’t see. Maybe things don’t improve immediately when you talk about difficulties, but you plant the seed and it comes to fruition sooner or later.”
Not an assault
From her own experience, she uses the Wellbeing Signal Group to help others within her department. It provides access to leaders and can help initiate change. “It’s nice to find that the board is so receptive to our ideas. They don’t take it as an assault, but immediately think about how we can make things better.”
Wellbeing to me means that you can be yourself in a place, and that that’s okay.
Monica Zakhari, WSG chair
“Wellbeing to me means that you can be yourself in a place, and that that’s okay. It doesn’t mean not having conflicts or difficult conversations. Fortunately, I feel comfortable having those kinds of conversations.”
Superpowers
“A professor once said I have superpowers because I can talk about the most uncomfortable topics, and still be accepted. I am not the face of the complaints we deal with; I am just the messenger. Fortunately, they understand that.”